


Something's Got A Hold On Me

by surrenderdammit



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Bisexual Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Bisexuality, Crushes, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Endearments, F/F, First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 11:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13658403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surrenderdammit/pseuds/surrenderdammit
Summary: Sometimes Sunny suspects Barba does this to her on purpose. Other times, Sunny would rather remain blind to the possibility that Barba knows exactly the effect she has on Sunny, because that means acknowledging that she does have an effect on her and then Sunny has to think about what that effect is and why it’s there and---It’s just better not to think too hard about it.





	Something's Got A Hold On Me

**Author's Note:**

> There are a couple of things you should know going in:
> 
> This is my first fic in the fandom. My friend EclecticRegard got me hooked on Barisi before I'd even watched an episode with Carisi in it (I havent' seen L&O:SVU since the early 00's so...). I haven't caught up yet, I've only seen a few episodes with Carisi, so in terms of keeping things Canon and making detailed references...ehh. Won't find that here.
> 
> Also, this hasn't been beta read so please excuse any grammatical errors/typos. And, well, English isn't my first language. Neither is Spanish nor Italian, which features in this fic. I had to use google translate and I am so sorry if that butchered your language. Feel free to comment with corrections!
> 
> So, in my 'verse Sonny is fluent in Italian and knows enough Spanish to get by. He's also a woman, and his sisters are brothers I named Beau for Bella (yeah not very Italian but), Theo/Theodore for Teresa and Gino for Gina. They don't feature much but just as a heads up. I spent way too much time googling Italian names omg.
> 
> That's it I think. Hope you enjoy! Comments are a joy and an inspiration <3

Raquel Barba, Sunny thinks, is a terrifying but absolutely incredible woman. From the moment she met her, Sunny is not ashamed to admit she was completely starstruck. She hadn’t even tried very hard to hide her hero worship because, truthfully, regardless if you _liked_ Barba or not, you _had_ to admire the woman’s skills. If you didn’t, you’re clearly an idiot and frankly, Sunny could do without you.

Ms. Barba is a woman who is one of the most successful ADA’s of her peers, fighting misogynic and racist preconceptions of juries and defence lawyers and judges, and even victims, by being smart and passionate and amazing. She fights for justice, though this can be easy to forget since her tongue is sharper than Sunny’s Japanese kitchen knives. A sassy, unapologetic bastard of a woman. Sunny doesn’t think she’s ever gone through an entire interaction with Barba without being somehow insulted in, honestly, quite funny ways. Sunny doesn’t take it too hard, anyway. She knows she was green when she got here. And, admittedly, the unfortunate haircut she’d sported _had_ been deserving of some of the ridicule she’d endured. Why she’d ever thought a throwback to the eighties was a good idea… Well, that’s mostly behind her now. Until someone needs to dig up a cheap shot at her and her past fashion choices (mainly her brothers, Barba and sometimes her team).

The point being...well. Sunny can take a lot of verbal taunting from Raquel Barba, because that woman is amazing and more often than not, one of the smartest people in the room. She’s also incredibly fun to annoy, which Sunny does as often as she can, gleefully and without remorse.

If Barba had been a man, Sunny suspects she would have asked the ADA out already. But this wasn’t a romantic crush or anything. Sunny admires women all the time. She’s her parents’ only daughter, surrounded by brothers growing up. She went to an all girls Catholic school, which might have actually made her get up to more mischief, and she made it through the police academy to become a female detective in New York. She’s had struggles, because of her gender and her looks and her accent. She’s perceived as pretty but uneducated, unrefined. She’s a stereotype because she likes to wear makeup and feminine clothes, just as she would be if she didn’t wear makeup and dressed more masculine. Sometimes her consent is taken for granted, because she’s good looking and outgoing. She sees how easy it is to become one of the victims she saw as she worked Homicide, she hears some of the stories of the victims at SVU and thinks, _I’ve been there, but I was lucky._ Being groped at the club, being followed out to the parking lot and cornered after turning a man down. Using excuses like “I have a boyfriend" or “I’m lesbian", because “no, I’m not interested" isn’t enough. The difference between getting away and... _not_ getting away.

So. Sunny spends a lot of her time admiring women. Like her Lieu, and Rollins, for being there and catching the scum that roams the streets.

Just, maybe she spends a bit more time admiring Raquel Barba. She’s the one working so hard to make sure the bad guys don’t walk off scot-free after all. And she’s, maybe, quite attractive as she does it.

And. Well, possibly, Sunny might have choked on her coffee the first time she heard her rant angrily in Spanish. She understood most of it, having studied it in school and retaining it quite well due to being fluent in Italian thanks to her Nonna. Just. It’s such a _passionate_ language, like Italian and French. And Barba can be a cold, menacing bastard in her fury, or just plain indifferent if she deems you inconsequential enough. So. It had been an interesting experience, witnessing that. Sunny’s white blouse had died a swift death by coffee stains.

Regardless, there is nothing wrong with this, Sunny has to remind herself sometimes. Platonic crushes are a thing, she’s quite sure she’s read about it in some discourse somewhere. It’s like Lieutenant Benson’s relationship with Barba. Only, Sunny hasn’t caught either of them looking at each other the way she looks at Barba, _sometimes_ . Not _always,_ of course.

It’s just...Raquel looks _really good_ in a pantsuit.

That, right there, is dangerous however. It’s _Barba,_ or else she’ll slip up and call her Raquel to her face. _Dio mio._

Sunny wonders what the expiration date on self-denial is, because she might have to throw hers out soon.

Shit.

oOo

“Carisi, with me,” Barba snaps as she exits the Lieu’s office, walking briskly. Sunny scrambles to follow with an eager grin on her face, case files in hand. She’s pretty sure she’s nailed this one, truly hit it out of the park. She’s written down some pretty solid arguments based on the facts she and Rollins dug up, she even made sure to reign Fin in when it looked like they might have gone and done something to jeopardize the case once it came to court. Studying law is both exciting and extremely useful, though sometimes she thinks she’s the only one who feels that way.

“Liv told me you had lead on this one. Fill me in,” Barba demands between a sip of coffee and a grimace at the taste or temperature, Sunny’s not sure which.

“Well,” Sunny begins, getting right to it, since she knows by now how best to deliver the pertinent information to the impatient ADA. She lays out the bare facts of the case; timelines, matching and contradicting witness statements. Probable weak spots in both prosecution and defence. This is met with the usual sarcastic remarks on the quality of Sunny’s education, but she powers on, determined as ever to show Barba that she _can_.

In the end, she earns herself a smirk and an appreciative once-over that does _not_ make Sunny’s heart skip a beat.

However, the “ _Bien hecho_ , detective. You might not have screwed this one up at all,” undeniably puts a blush on her cheeks that even Sunny can’t deny. Not when Barba sends her a knowing smile, and leaves her stumbling through a flustered thank you.

Sometimes Sunny suspects Barba does this to her on purpose. Other times, Sunny would rather remain blind to the possibility that Barba knows exactly the effect she has on Sunny, because that means acknowledging that she _does_ have an effect on her and then Sunny has to think about what that effect _is_ and _why_ it’s there and---

It’s just better not to think too hard about it.

oOo

Of course, it’s like Barba heard this thought and decided to take it as a challenge, because when has Sunny’s life ever been smooth sailing?

oOo

Barba joins them for a drink after successfully winning the case. Well, she joins the _Lieu_ , who happens to be sitting together with Sunny, Amanda and Fin. Sunny tries not to smile like a maniac when she sits down next to her, though, since it’s the only vacant place besides the one next to Rollins. Still, she can’t help but feel a bit pleased, and greets the other woman cheerfully.

“Decided to join us mere mortals for a lowly drink, Councilor?” Sunny teases with a grin, holding her bottle of beer up in a mock toast. 

Barba drags a finger along the lip of her glass of whiskey, and Sunny tries really hard not to stare. Her nails are tastefully done, not too long, painted a burgundy maroon. It matches her lips, which are currently pulled up in a smirk. Shrugging, Barba replies. “Speak for yourself, detective. You might be living the frat life at night, drinking cheap beer, but this? This is Suntory Hibiki 17. A bottle of this costs more than your suit.”

Sunny laughs as Fin rolls his eyes and Liv grins. In disbelief, Sunny leans in closer, articulating her her hands. “And they sell that stuff? _Here?”_

Barba sniffs, putting on an air of superiority that is only half-faux. She takes a sip of her drink, and Sunny watches as she swallows. There’s no residue from her lipstick. Of course not. It’s probably of the kind which won’t smear, and can only be washed off with special makeup wipes.

“No, they don’t. Not to you mere mortals. For _me,_ however, they keep a couple of bottles stashed.” Sunny startles when Barba speaks, tries to hide it behind a roll of her eyes, because _of course_ Barba would persuade the owner to keep fancy and expensive alcohol stored for her needs. She’s probably one of their most frequent and riches customers, though, so perhaps it wasn’t that difficult.

“Yes yes, you’re an alcoholic deity too good for the likes of us,” Sunny drawls with amusement, taking a swig of her beer and enjoying how Amanda sniggers at her comment.

“Good to know you think I’m divine, Domenica,” is Barba’s quick response, voice like silk as she smirks at Sunny’s expression on hearing her first name spoken out loud. She only ever hears it as _Domenica Sunny Carisi, sei nei guai, signorina!_ and she has been conditioned to respond a certain way upon hearing it. Mainly, shudder and look for the nearest exit.

“Alright, enough flirting. We get enough of that at work,” Fin interrupts with a glare. “Tonight I want to get drunk, and leave work far behind. Who’s got the next round?”

Beyond embarrassed, Sunny quickly volunteers and flees the scene, uncaring that she’s being painfully obvious. She flags the bartender down and order shots for everyone, getting an extra for herself which she plans on downing before she returns to the warzone that is Raquel Barba once she’s smelled blood.

“You are quick on your feet when you need to be, _conejito_ , though there was no need to run away,” she hears behind her and she closes her eyes in a silent prayer for strength. Once the _Amen_ has been said, she turns to face Barba with a slightly crooked smile.

“I wasn’t running away,” she denies, poorly. At Barba’s look, she turns back to the bar where the bartender is loading a tray with shot glasses. Snatching one of them up, she downs it in one go and promptly puts down an order for another beer as well. She’s going to need it.

“Oh Sunny, we both know that is not true,” Barba tuts, smirking. Sunny can feel herself turn red at hearing her _proper_ name spoken out loud, for _this_ person of all people.

Barba is _absolutely_ doing this on purpose. Trying to ignore the situation, Sunny pays for her drinks and picks up the loaded tray, shots and a beer well-balanced.

“We are going to talk about this tonight, _hermosa_ ,” Barba warns in a voice which brooks no arguments. Sunny almost stumbles at the familiar word, looking over her shoulder with a no doubt thoroughly shocked expression. Raquel Barba just called her _beautiful._

“If you meant that,” Sunny says with a shaky voice, her heart pounding with butterflies in her stomach, like she’s seventeen all over again and not a thirty-four years old woman in a dangerous job. “If you meant that, if you’re not just jerkin’ my chain as you do, then yeah. Alright. We probably should. Just...not in front of the others, yeah?”

Her accent gets thicker when she’s riled up, be it from nerves, adrenaline, anger or passion. She hears it now, in the heavy drawl of her words. It makes her embarrassed, to sound like this in front of Barba ( _who called her Sunny so can she call her Raquel or…),_ and that it turn angers her because _no._ She has nothing to apologize for, least of all the way she talks.

“I meant it,” Raquel says, unusually sincere as she walks up to her, lays a hand on her arm. She smiles softly at Sunny, who thinks she might drop the tray of drinks if it wasn't for her desperate death-grip holding onto it. She feels charmed, and overwhelmed, and she doesn’t know what else to do but nod and start walking back to their table before Fin puts out a BOLO on the drinks. Raquel’s hand drops from her arm as they go, and Sunny feels its absence like a burn.

She wonders when they’ll have time to talk, exactly, and spends most of the evening subdued and lost in her own thoughts. She misses to looks Amanda and Liv shoots Raquel, who simply looks smug and self-assured. She’s seated next to Sunny all night, and somewhere, somehow, she has her arm behind Sunny’s back as she rests her hand on the swell of her hip.

Fin is the first to leave, muttering under his breath but giving Raquel a slight nod before leaving. Sunny’s too buzzed on her two shots and beers, and on the heat of Raquel against her side, to give much notice to anything but the woman holding her like it’s a thing they so, like it’s normal and easy and uncomplicated.

Sunny _does_ notice, however, when the Lieu drags Amanda away and leaves her alone with their favorite ADA. Mainly because it dawns on her that they’re _alone,_ but also because Raquel leans into whisper in her ear, like some sultry beauty from the silver screen.

“ _Hermosa,_ are you ready to talk now? Or are you too drunk, _conejito,_ ” she murmurs, breath hot against Sunny’s skin.

Flustered, Sunny bursts out, “Why do you call me that?” instead of answering the question. Raquel laughs quietly, leaning back slightly and no, that wasn’t the plan, she wasn’t supposed to _move_ \---

A hand on her hot cheek turns her head until Sunny is forced to meet Raquel’s amused gaze. “Why I call you beautiful? Are you fishing for compliments, or are you really that blind that you don’t see what you do to me?”

Sunny shakes her head, but very carefully, unwilling to dislodge Raquel’s hand on her face. She’s still got her other arm wrapped around Sunny, and it’s so nice. It’s warm, and sweet, and Sunny feels completely embraced with one hand on her hip and the other on her cheek. It probably looks ridiculous; Raquel is a small woman, while Sunny is almost a head taller when neither of them are wearing heels. She doesn’t care.

“No, I meant...I mean, thank you, you’re very beautiful too,” Sunny stutters, slightly exasperated at herself. She’s usually much more suave than _this._ Trying for a little levity, she grins cheekily. “But... _little bunny?_ Really? What is this, Playboy?”

Raquel snorts, lets go of Sunny’s cheek to trace a soft fingertip along Sunny’s sharp jawline. She ends up grabbing her chin, gently, and tilting Sunny’s head down.

“You’re always in such a hurry, a fast-paced little bunny,” Raquel teases with a grin before falling quiet, eyes drawn to Sunny’s mouth. Sunny’s breath hitches, and she feels all tingly, like this is her crush making the moves on her but it’s not a man, it’s a woman and more importantly it’s _Raquel Barba_ . Who looks up at her, eyes dark, expression intent. “I want to kiss you, _cariña_. May I?”

Sunny feels a rush, like adrenaline, and it’s a wonderful feeling. “Yes, yes please,” she breathes out, pleading, longing.

Raquel guides her into it, cupping her jaw. Soft, warm lips against her own. Sunny loves kissing, adores the press of pursed lips against her own or a tongue slipping past them. Likes to use her mouth on others, likes to have someone else’s on her. And Raquel, she seems to agree, because she kisses like she’s savoring it; unhurried and gentle. But there’s more to it than that; it’s Raquel’s arm around her which pulls Sunny in close, like a hug. It’s the hand caressing Sunny’s face, slipping into her loose hair to guide her as Raquel dominates their kisses effortlessly. Sunny sighs against her, moans when she feels Raquel’s tongue lick along the seam of Sunny’s mouth.

Raquel hums thoughtfully, and Sunny wonders if she tastes the artificial strawberry of Sunny’s lipgloss. It’s a cheap one, a random gift from her brother Beau that would be more suitable for a girl half her age, bless him. Theo had laughed while Gino had simply shook his head, and Sunny had simply been glad for the unprompted act of generosity.

Now, though, she wishes she’d put on something less adolescent. She panics briefly about the thought that she’s no doubt smearing Raquel’s lovely mouth with sticky, shiny gloss that’ll make her smell like a teenager, then she thinks harder about leaving Raquel’s mouth all shiny and wet from their kisses and suddenly she can’t get enough.

“Cariña, eres tan hermosa. Te quiero mucho, me estás volviendo loco,” Raquel says in a husky voice as she breaks their kiss way too soon, slightly out of breath and completely irresistible. Sunny makes a weak noise of protest, wanting that mouth back, her hands pawing at the lapels of Raquel’s suit jacket to pull her back. She barely registers what’s being said, simply basks is the slight change of pitch to Raquel’s voice when she speaks Spanish. Loves the way the language sounds, the way she can hear the passion of the words in the way Raquel says them.

“Shh, Sunny, _bella_ Sunny, if we continue you will have to arrest us both on account of public indecency,” Raquel explains, sounding amused. Sunny sighs, but meets her eyes and nods in understanding, biting her lip with disappointment.

Raquel kisses her again, takes her by surprise. Sucks her lower lip into her mouth, runs her tongue over the dents Sunny’s teeth barely left behind. It’s over before she knows it; Raquel is suddenly standing and grabbing her purse. She’s ready to go by the time Sunny’s brain had dialled back online, standing there looking gorgeous and impatient.

“Well? I didn’t kiss you stupid, did I? That, you certainly don’t need,” Raquel snarks, smirking and smug. Sweet Heavens, Sunny is hopelessly gone on this remarkable woman. When did that happen?

“Nah, just admiring the view, counselor,” Sunny teases back as she stands. They’re almost eye-level, with Sunny in flats and Raquel sporting a pair of heels that looks like something out of _The Devil Wears Prada_ . It so incredibly tempting, but if she leans down for another kiss it’ll just take even longer to get out of here. _Oh_ the agony, she thinks wryly.

“After that kind of kiss, you may call me Raquel, Sunny,” she interrupts Sunny’s thoughts with an amused quirk to her _(Dio mio,_ so shiny, and wet) lips. Sunny feels unnecessarily elated at the explicit permission to say her name, but she doesn’t question it.

“Alright, Raquel,” she says instead, grinning like a goof and prompting Raquel to roll her eyes.

“What have I gotten myself into,” she mutters under her breath, but she reaches for Sunny’s hand and gently guides her away from their table and out of the bar.

Once outside in the brisk night air, Sunny feels herself sober up from the slight buzz of the night. She’s still feeling high on their kiss, though, almost jittery with excitement and with a familiar ache for _more_ low in her belly. Raquel looks flushed, cheeks slightly pink and lips still as distracting as ever. Her hair is swept up in an elegant bun, strands of grey like silver running through. It’s slightly mussed, and Sunny has a fuzzy memory of burying her hands in it as she was kissed senseless. It hadn’t registered at the time, but now it makes Sunny want to back her up against the nearest wall and mess it up some more. Some of her thoughts must show on her face, because Raquel tugs playfully at her hand and gives her a knowing look.

“The street is hardly less public than the bar, Sunny. Let’s get a taxi; I’d like to actually have that discussion I had planned before you were your usually disruptive self and ruined it,” Raquel says as she starts looking around for any yellow cars circling the block. Sunny laughs.

“I distinctly recall _you_ initiating the kiss,   _dolcezza_ ,” Sunny protests, helping her flag down a passing taxi. She hurries to open the door for her, grinning when Raquel rolls her eyes at the gesture but climbs inside regardless. Sunny follows, strapping herself in as Rachel relays her address to the driver.

When the drives pulls away into traffic, Raquel picks up their argument seamlessly. “And what do you think prompted me to do that? You were looking at my mouth with the same damn look on your face that’s been driving me _loco_ since we met. I had planned to have a serious discussion with you about what’s between us, and how we’re going to proceed. Instead you look at me like you’re starving, you tease.”

Sunny is entirely unapologetic, perhaps even a little bit smug, and she doesn’t bother hiding it. Raquel sends her an exasperated look, but otherwise doesn’t comment.

“I didn’t know there was anything between us, not on your side,” Sunny admits quietly, a bit shy. This is new territory, in the sense that she’s never allowed herself to accept what her feelings are and explore them. It’s scary, but exciting, and she doesn’t know quite how to proceed. Rachel gives her a soft look, indulgent and fond, and Sunny can’t help but reach out for her hand to hold it on the seat between them.

“I know. You aren’t very subtle. I was actively trying to hide the fact that I wanted you around more often than not, but you’ve practically been mooning after me from day one. I’m annoyed at myself for finding it as endearing as I do. Christ, I’m ten years your senior, this business should be far behind me already,” Rachel mutters, shaking her head at herself.

Sunny is blushing, despite knowing full well how little she’d done to hide how much she admires the other woman. Feeling a bit silly, but so very charmed, Sunny picks up their joined hands and leans over to press a kiss against Rachel’s knuckles. “Well, I’m glad it _isn’t_ behind you.”

Raquel looks at her silently for a while, before smiling softly. “So am I.”

oOo

**Author's Note:**

> So I've actually got more written, but not enough to update another chapter yet and this seemed like a good place to end it if it ends up being just a oneshot. I'm gonna hold off and see what the response is, see if it's even worth continuing with. So. Thanks for reading! Have a good day!
> 
> I can be found on tumblr as hereinlimbo :)


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